And since mine retired 5 years ago…

I’ve never really bothered if I’m honest…

But the need to stop my girlfriend staring morbidly at my yellow toenails…

Meant I had to register at a new surgery and make an appointment…

“Do you have swine flu..?” barked the haughty receptionist…




As if on cue I felt an almighty urge to sneeze – but resisted…

Giving me the once over she agreed to let me see the doctor…

He was dapper and friendly if a little aloof…

I made small talk and realised he was tapping his pen…

“I have disgusting toenails…!

It was almost like a confessional…

Or FUNGAL INFECTED TOENAILS ANON meeting…

“Hello my name is Flip and I have fungal infected toenails…” lol…



But I digress…

“I have fungal infected toenails…” I said to the doc…

“My girlfriend says they’re disgusting..”

I kind of hoped the rolling of my eyes might have brought him into the brotherhood…

Where men were men and women were silly worry warts…



NOT Flip’s Doctor


“They are…” he snapped “disgusting things…whip you socks and shoes off…

“DON’T place your feet on the carpet – on the sterile sheet…”

I blushed furiously…

It didn’t help that my socks had stuck to the soggy bits under the nail…

“Horrible truly horrible and nasty…dirty things…” he snarled…

I was mortified…

“It’s going to take many months…and you need to be dilligent…”

I guessed he wasn’t sure I was up to it…

I grabbed the prescription and ran!!!

NEXT TIME: the fungal infected treatment box of wonder!!!

Cya!

And so it began…

Lying in bed my gorgeous girlfriend had peered under the bedclothes…

I was not quick enough to hide them and her response was as expected…

“Holy shit they’re disgusting…” she’d shrieked looking as one might at a leper…

I was mortified and she was mortified for saying it – I think…

And that is how dear reader I’m off to my doctors today…

To rid myself of the stigma of fungal infected toenails…

Not Mine! My Camera Battery Is Dead!!!

From what I can gather the cure is long and drawn out…

Simpler maybe to pull the toenails out I would think…

Certainly less hassle…

“I’ll be able to buy you flip-flops and sandals…” my girlfriend said last night…

She had become all gooey and misty eyed…

“Walks on the beach sand between our toes…”

Only a woman could go from disgusting toenails to romance in one fell swoop…

There will be photographs – not of the romance – the fungal infected toenails…

So I understand if you don’t bookmark…

But if you could recommend a macho pair of sandals…

I’d be eternally grateful…

C’ya…